Part II: The first date

2 words. spongebob squarepants. yea, i said it. that was our first date. and might i add, one of the best dates ever. another moment etched in my mind. lets go back... let's say, 04/05. i wish i knew the exact date, but that's not important. i believe it was april or may but i'm not sure. all i know is it rained that night. when i say rained, i mean RAINED! and there was one umbrella...if that. hell, there might not have been an umbrella. point is, it rained and we got soaked

we went to some theater in pomona... or somewhere in that vicinity. i remember you telling me it was the location of a bunch of vatos and we had to be careful. figures. and we decided we wanted to go to the movies. so we saw spongebob.

that was what made us different. for most people's first dates, they want to go to eat some great food at a nice restaurant. or do something really exciting and probably expensive. but us... we were a little weird. we thought it would be a great idea to see a movie. a kid movie at that. and i was as excited as i would have been if we went to any fancy restaurant in la. so off we were, to this movie.

we were probably the oldest people in an empty theater. and i'll never forget what happened. you lifted the armrests up, put your head on my lap and we talked and laughed. and then....

you fell asleep! seriously. i remember laughing my butt off during the movie, which surprised me because i'd never bought into the whole older kids/young adults liking spongebob thing. i didn't do the spongebob pj pants or backpacks like many of my peers did. but that movie was lowkey hilarious. and u were asleep. i dont think i ever watched someone fall asleep during a movie so many times and that made it even more entertaining. afterwards, i teased you about it. for months actually. i thought it was so funny because you really wanted to see the movie and u actually fell asleep. i wasn't mad tho. it was so fun, laughing all night and teasing you bout this silly movie that you convinced me to watch. and how disappointed you were that you actually missed it.

i didn't know it but this was the beginning of our weird way of entertainment. seldom would we have fun doing the normal dating stuff. most of our fun would take place in the area know as the suites, and later the 'village', your living community for most of your college years. 3400 would come to be a place i called my second home.

but yea, that was our first date. and no, it wasn't dinner at a fancy restaurant. but the laughs i had that night were so much more valuable than anything else we could have ever done. i wouldn't mind getting rained on with you again. i hate rain. but i love laughing with you.

more coming soon...

*this is not to say there have not been 'conventional' dates at nice restaurants and fun, exciting excursions. and also doesn't mean i don't like them. instead, this was a date on our terms, something that we could enjoy as much as any other nice, formal date. i'm a girl and i love to get glamorous and look fly. i also love silly fun that doesn't require stilettos and makeup, but flip flops, a hoodie and lots of laughs and fattening food, like movie nachos and candy. :)

Part I: the first kiss

i remember it like it was a dream. it was almost 5 years ago, but i still remember everything. the butterflies in my stomach. the feeling of anxiety and anticipation at events to come. we have only been formally introduced once, although u say u always knew who i was. sure u did. we had only hung out once or twice, and that was always in a big group.

but this time was different. i could feel it. we had been talking on the phone or online for a few weeks by this point and i knew that something had changed. it went from casual conversations to undertones of flirting and admiration for the other person. there was nothing forced about these conversations either. we were both at a place of new beginnings and new experiences, just recently entering into the spot light... and both of us were somewhat resistant to give in to it completely. we had a common bond and a common experience, and yet, there was something deeper. the way it feels when someone can see right through u, down in ur soul. that relief at being able to talk about anything and only get positivity back. we were connected.

but this night was different. it was different because it was the first time we hung out alone. i didn't remember feeling this nervous since high school. i remember, i wasn't even at home. i was at a friends house, and yet it felt as comfortable as ever. i never knew that u were just as anxious and nervous as i was. we were like 5 year olds, waiting for the first day of kindergarten. and then, you arrived.

it was such an innocent night, which makes it all the more memorable. we were both hesitant to seem too excited to finally hang out alone. had to keep it cool. and i didn't know, but u also didn't want to rush things. both of us liked to move slow into a relationship, and really get to know each other first. i still remember, we watched the last samurai. at some point, we figured it was ok to sit closer together on the couch. and then...it happened. the first kiss.

there have been so many great moments since then. but this is a memory that will always stick in my head. the raw feelings and emotions from getting to know someone new, never really knowing just how far it could take u.

after that first kiss, that was it. there was no turning back. we were in it for the long haul.

hello law school!

hey. sorry, long time no post. i have been trying to get adjusted to moving, preparing for law school, and leaving behind my family, friends and loved ones while i embark on 3 years of school, stress, and professionalism. i have been prepping for this forever and it is finally here. i have been in small college town, usa for almost a week now and it still doesn't seem real. in 5 days, i've had to prepare for 18 boxes to arrive, buy a whole new bedroom set with a mattress, figure out where the hell i am, order a desk, and try to figure out when my car will be here. it has not set in yet that i will be at this school in a small town for the next 3 years. i mean, what was i thinking? moving somewhere that is overcast for 6 to 7 months out of the year. i am a sunshine girl all the way and it is a huge adjustment. i have also left my man and my friends at home. i am worried about being forgotten. i am also worrying about doing well in law school. although i am unsure how possible it will be, i will try to keep up with you on here. right now, i'm at pre-orientation, chillin and enjoying the still warm (somewhat) weather. i am also getting a chance to meet my classmates that i will be with for the next 3 years. wish me luck. and follow me please.

what is your legacy?

(written on July 29th)

i am spending the week at my alma mater participating in a law camp for high schools students. it is absolutely amazing. it makes me appreciate students so much more to see how sweet it can be to teach when kids are more able and open to accept your lessons and guidance. anyway, we had them participate in a privilege walk and afterwards took the time to discuss how we all felt and provide them an opportunity to discuss any issues they have had and how they felt about the activity and how it related to the law. i ended feeling like my small group had a great discussion. as i got up to pack, one of the most conservative kids comes up to me who was in my group and stops me. he tells me that he really appreciated my ability to see all points of view and provide such a positive facilitation of highly controversial topics. now, if you don't know yet, i am a pretty big lefty on a lot of issues. he tells me he's so impressed with how well i was able to navigate difficult topics and allow everyone to feel important. and we chatted for a few minutes and then i got to thinking. this is how this kid will remember me. as the RA who respected his different opinion and helped others open their eyes.

then i thought, how will i be remembered by people? by my family, friends, ex's, enemies, students, etc.

shoot, how will you be remembered.

Follow Me!!!

so i am officially leaving the state to go to cold country in 23 days. and i started a blog so i can document my life over the next 3 years as i toil away in school. there is only one problem....NO ONE IS FOLLOWING ME!!!! so, please add yourself as a follower. i love all of you who read but if you don't follow, i feel like a loser. its like having a party and no one shows up but everyone calls to apologize. you are still sitting alone at the party. so add yourself, por favor.

gracias. :)

The death of Ms. C...

so i finally decided to write about the dead. no, its not a celebrity host, the greatest entertainer of all time (rip), a cheating athlete...it's my alter ego- Ms. C. for the past 2 years, i stopped being heavenlymaize and i became Ms. C...at least to my students. i still remember the student who first called me that instead of my actual last name. his name is Los and he was one of the students i will never forget. i will never forget the days he came high as hell to class and actually tried to look offended when i asked about it. or the time he punched a wall because he was so upset and i told him that just because he had a hard life doesn't give him an excuse to be a slacker. or when he got one of my other students to hold his drugs and got made when it got taken away. or how he said n**** and i ripped him a new one to the point where he wrote me an apology letter. or when he hugged me and thanked me for never giving up on him when he graduated. seeing him graduate was a highlight of my life, one of my proudest moments. i felt like a parent when i watched him walk across the stage to accept his middle school diploma.

he wasn't the only kid i stressed out over these past two years. but he stuck out because he was an example of those kids who are on the fence, the ones who no one expects to make it. a minority kid with no daddy and serious anger problems. one who idolizes the gang life and loves getting faded. and yet when i saw him 5 months later, he was rocking skinny jeans and playing baseball. who would have thought.

the past two years have completely altered the way i view life. i was a college student, still carrying some naivete with me when i graduated from Big State School in 07. i thought i could change the world and that when i began teaching, i would really connect. i would make significant gains and eventually be able to reach all of my kids. eery single one of them. i would have never guessed that my 2nd year, i would have a class where over half of the kids i had in the beginning were kicked out or checked out by the end. only 4 students graduated from that class. or that there would actually be some kids that i don't like (his name is Demon Child and i think he is a spawn of the devil). or that when i finally finished teaching, i would actually miss my kids. and wonder if maybe i should have given it a 3rd year (this lasts all of 30 secs).

i entered the profession a 22 year old adult...or so i thought. i left the profession a grown a** woman. there is a difference between being a legal adult and grown. prior to teaching, i was somewhere in between. i've always been very mature, esp when it comes to handling my business. i pay my bills, take care of myself, and keep everything together. but when i became a teacher, i learned how much i didn't know. i learned how to really be a role model. how to keep the curse words to myself, no matter how angry i was, because i had to teach my kids that you could express anger in a mature and respectful manner. i learned how to truly believe in people who don't believe in themselves. (there is nothing more tragic than a child who at 13 already believes there is no hope for success and that they are a failure). i learned how to be responsible for other's physical well-being. making sure my boys didn't join a gang and my girls didn't get jumped on the way home from school...or at school, for that manner. after teaching for 2 years, there are few things that i cannot handle (except 1L year in law school...but that's another blog). i must admit that i actually love my kids. i will always think of them and thank God for the gift of even being allowed to teach these amazing people for two years. on the last day of school, i told my first group that they were the most amazing kids that i could have ever taught. and that they were the reason why people become teachers. i actually had a good time teaching them all year because they were brilliant, well behaved, and hilarious. i love those kids from room #329 and i'll miss them dearly. the only reason i still have my myspace page is to keep in touch with them. and although i'm going off to another state, another school and another career, i will never forget them. they challenged me. they made me grow. they changed my life.

and now Ms. C is dead. she is no longer in exsistence...except to about 120 kids around downtown and east la. but to the rest of the world, i am simply heavenlymaize. although i wonder if i will ever let Ms. C die completely. i dunno what to think. sigh....

this is why i teach for...

"Ms. C" is gone...(prelude)

i know at some point i must write about the end of Ms. C. if you don't know who Ms. C is, then i will take time in my next post to introduce you to her. she's a trip. she's a former teacher (is that even possible) and a dedicated one to her kids that she has taught over the past 2 years.

but i'll get to her another day. me sleepy

You bring out the ??? in me

yo. sorry i haven't posted for a while. i was out of town, helping my kids graduate and feel inspired, moving out of my apt, etc. , etc. so i haven't really been able to sit down and write. but i am back.

so i am a tad stressed out so i figured i'd write it out so i don't go to sleep feeling like this. have you ever felt like you are constantly being told you are wrong or mean or whatnot but u honestly don't feel like you are? i don't mean your in denial. or you're just tryna ignore reality. i mean, you actually pray about it, talk to others about it, and you really don't see where these personality classifications are justified. what do you do? asking others only seems to help so much. praying about it doesn't bring answers, just a little bit of peace. so what if you really don't think you are that mean or cold or unkind because you know how you feel and it's definitely not that way? then what?

and then, what if someone brings out the best in you...but simultaneously brings out the worse? i was told tonight that i treat my friends better than i treat blank yet when i thought about it, i was bothered by that generalization. and here is why. 1) i generally defend myself. period. i have been ganged up on or verbally battered enough by people to know that this crap ain't happening no more. i'd rather defend myself and find out that i was wrong and apologize than be walked all over by someone, even a loved one. and my friends don't generally get snapped at or yelled at...because they know i will do it. i do try to be diplomatic but on the occassions that i don't, we stay mad for a sec or two and then we move the hell on. why? because our friendship is probably way more important than whatever we were arguing over. 2) my closest friends and i communicate so well, we don't need to argue. why argue when you know you are irritating me? you will probably recognize it and simply stop. 3) people who really push my buttons that much are no longer my friends. thats the truth. if you bring out the worst in me, then you probably don't need to be in my life in the first place. why? because i have a lot to give the world and viewing myself as a terrible person, unworthy of love and affection and great things in my life are not gonna help me get my purpose accomplished.

so what if someone brings out the worst in me but i still have them around? what does that say about them? about me? isn't it true that people closest to you will see all sides of you, good and bad? but dont many of them know how to keep those terrible parts of you away? everyone has a side to them that they would rather not unleash. but if someone seems to bring that out of you, what do you do? especially when that person also brings out the best you have.

ok i'm done venting. :)

"The One"

girls grow up thinking and believing that this is real. "the one". that mythical mate who we will run across and no matter what happens, we will manage to work it out and be together happily ever after. why? because it's destiny, fate, the stars aligning. this is the man you are supposed to be with so you must do everything in your power to keep him because if you let him go, then you have lost your 1 true love...

i believed that...i think many girls grow up believing that this is true. but as you get older, you realize it's not always so simple and precise. "the one" may or may not be destined. the one who you think may be "the one" may not be at all. so how do you know who you are supposed to be with? do you decide based on feelings? compatibility? things working out? how often or little you fight and argue? whether he meets your standards you have set? i have not a clue. that is something i am trying to figure out myself. i thought i knew how to figure out if someone was "the one". compatibility, whether i could see us together in the long term, could he be the father of my children, does he make me laugh, etc. but i've started to wonder if that's enough. how do you know that someone is "the one"...shoot, is there even such thing as "the one". is it the person you choose to make things work with? do they make you the most happy? what if you think you found that person and you eventually start to question that because things just never seem quite right.

speaking of never getting quite right, are our expectations too high to begin with. people always say relationships, especially marriages, take work. and that everyone goes thru those ups and downs. how can you distinguish between a reasonable amount of work and ups and downs, as opposed to a relationship that is not worth the fight? and your gut isn't always accurate. praying doesn't always bring a clear answer. so then what?

obviously i am doing a lot of contemplating about life and relationships. this is not just about me. its a combination of my thoughts, conversations with others and a plethora of articles and documents i've read about relationships.

what do you think?

End of school...

i am exhausted. i had a long night and a long and annoying morning setting stuff up for our kids awards breakfast. i have 2 days left of school (not counting today) and i wish i could say i was sad...but i'm not. i am so ready to be done with this stupid district and this stressful life. i dont hate my kids but i am sure that this is not the career for me.

i'm sleepy so i'm not gonna write more. ciao.

What makes me amazing

while talking to my best friend this weekend, i realized something. when i think about why i'm a great catch, i tend to speak in superficial terms. i talk about my many accomplishments that i've made in my 24 years on earth, including:
1) graduating from a great top school in 4 years
2) being accepted to TFA and teaching 8th grade successfully (somewhat lol) for 2 years
3) being accepted to 2 top ten law schools and deciding to attend 1 of them
4) being financially independent and responsible
5) being relatively good-looking :)

but as i stopped to think about it, i realized that this doesn't really say why i'm a good catch. it more so explains why i'm a good law student candidate or a good employee. so i tried to think, what does make me amazing? because i know there must be something. so here it goes...

1) i manage to see the good in people until given a reason not to. and even then, i almost always give them a second chance if they screw up.

2) i am eternally optimistic. u can tell me all the reasons why my kids can't learn, or why or community can't change, or why things will always be bad. and i may agree to your points. but i will still do my part to fight for change to happen, no matter what.

3) i am a God-fearing woman. my journey to God has not been a traditional one but i've discovered Him on my own and i am thankful for that experience. i learned to love the Lord on my own, not because someone told me it was the "black" thing to do. although i am still growing and learning more, and though my relationship is still in a work in progress, i think my faith is very strong. and that is crucial to understand if anyone wants to have a relationship with me.

4) i am compassionate. i will give someone my time, money, effort and attention if they need it. if you need a shoulder to lean on, a couch to sleep on, a few bucks, some food, someone to share your anger with, i'm that person. i tear up at the most random acts of kindness, emotion or beauty (although you will rarely catch me doing this)

5) i have integrity. i am honest and trustworthy and i genuinely want to do the right thing. while i'm far from perfect, i really do try to do the right thing, whether people are looking or not. i think i'm really a good person and i try to live up to that as much as possible

6) i fight for what i believe in. while i am very respectful to others, i will fight for a just cause, whether thats a loved one, a hot topic, or a good ole fashioned debate, i'm there. and i have the intelligence to back up my point. i will join a picket line, write a letter, argue, or even fight for something or someone i believe in.

7) mother's like me. have yet to meet a parent who doesn't have something positive to say. you don't have to worry about bringing me home and getting kicked under the table by your parents because i am acting or looking a fool. not a chance. i'm probably ten times more worried about my overall appearance than the guy is.

8) i'm hot. enough said. :)

9) im a ride or die chick...sort of. i will support you through a lot of things. if you are trying to find yourself, then i'm by your side. i'll help you, encourage you and defend you when others don't understand you. but dont drag me into any foolishness. i have learned from experience that if you have girl issues, that is your problem, not mine. don't expect me to fight all the chicks you can't get off your bumper. if you have constant run-ins with the law, then we can't date. we can be friends (from a distance) but that is not the lifestyle i want to lead. i am going to law school, for pete's sake! i'm not tryna be your wife and lawyer!!! too much!

10) i have respect for myself. i have been disrespected enough to know that it won't happen ever again. calling me crazy names, making me look a fool to others, or any other way that someone can be disrespectful. i respect my body, my mind, my soul and my spirit and if you don't do the same, u can keep it pushin. i can be sexy without trashy and there will never be a mistake about that.

11) i'm intelligent. this is beyond just being booksmart. now, don't get me wrong- i'm a nerd and i'm proud of it. i stay geeked up (lol). but i'm just as likely to engage you in a conversation about politics as i am about how people should spay and neuter their dogs. i know a lot about a lot of things and if i dont know, i surely won't pretend. so don't insult my intelligence. if you are not so bright, thats ok. but u may not be the right guy for me because i need a man that can match my intelligence, maybe even surpass it.

12) i'm a free spirit. i LOVE traveling and i am always open to new experiences. want to travel to Dubai? Vietnam? Turkey? Ghana? Chile? Cuba? I'm wit it! i'm the first to hop on a plane to go to a new country, try some new foods, and learn about a different culture. i am careful but open-minded and i love to get those passport stamps. if you are not a traveler, then thats ok. but dont expect me to wait around in the US. support me when i leave. because i have to travel. its a requirement for my happiness.

well, i guess this is enough for now. this was more for me than anyone else. have you ever made a list like this? if not, i highly suggest that you do. its a fulfilling exercise and it really helps you appreciate who you are.

what makes you amazing?

There's never a right time to say goodbye

ok so i broke up with my bf this weekend. i wont get into details because it doesn't matter. all i will say is it was something i needed to do for myself, rather than him being a terrible person. he's actually the best he's ever been in our relationship. as i look back over my dating history, i have been in 2 long term relationships. there was no real break between the two and i never knew what it felt like to be by myself. it was something i was kind of scared of. what if i ended up alone? this was one of my biggest fears, being old and successful but with no one to share it with. i don't even know what it feels like to be alone. now this is not to say i want to get out and date. honestly, i am not looking for any type of relationship, even if it's just adding male friends in my life. what would i do with that? absolutely nothing. the whole point is not to jump into another relationship which is part of the pattern i have created for myself. i would like to eventually see if a relationship with the guy i've dated for the past 4 1/2 years will work, but he may decide he doesn't want to come back to it. i knew this when i made the decision but it's a risk i have to take. i have to trust God enough to be ok with taking a risk like being single but not looking for anyone new. i have to trust that He will provide me with the love and support i need in the form of a husband, regardless of who it is. i think i have a lot more to work on within myself and it is hard to do that with the concern for my other half always on my mind. i don't know what to expect in the future but i am trusting and praying that it will all work out.

but i must admit, i'm a little scared.

I hate 8th graders

picture this. there are 3 1/2 weeks left of school. we are working on slavery and reconstruction with my "difficult" class. today, my two students who i haven't seen for months are both here. one of the girls i saw less than 10 times and by the end of October, she stopped coming to school. when i asked her in October why she didn't come, she couldn't give me a decent answer. yet when she does show up to school, she always manages to complete her work neatly and quietly. this was also her pattern in 7th grade. my other student was similar. she was absent 2-4 days repeatedly in 7th grade. by the end of last year, she was pregnant. she entered my class in September, belly full and determined to turn her life around. her 20+ year old boyfriend had been deported back to Mexico (don't get me started on this guy) and she was trying to do the right thing and finish school. yet, little by little, her attendance became more shaky. she eventually stopped coming all together. i saw her once after she had her baby in January and not again...until today. yet she too sits quietly and asks questions and tries to finish her work. she was my first pregnant girl, but unfortunately not my only.

as i survey the room, i realize that no more than 5 of these kids will graduate- if that. i have fought with this group all year and often felt like i was fighting a losing battle. 2 pregnant girls, half of my class being kicked out or leaving, and a host of other students, some of whom are extremely disrespectful and lacking motivation. i have had to suppress the urge to knock the hell out of kids who decide to curse and get mouthy when i ask them to listen or behave. i have been repeatedly frustrated at their encouragement of our classroom thief, a student who is constantly teased for being slow and smelly- yet when its time to steal, he is encouraged to do so. and unfortunately, he usually does. and always gets caught.

i try to stay motivated myself in this mess of a class that i have. unlike last year, where we came together at the end, i dont see the same level of effort at the end. by this time last year, the majority of my apathetic class was working hard to prove to me (and themselves) that they could succeed and some were even able to graduate. but this year, as final graduation lists are due in two days, i still have students asking what their grades are and if they have a chance. and as i ask them if they have the projects due on friday, they look embarrassed and shake their heads no. i ask how they can graduate without work, yet i never seem to get an answer. it makes me wonder why i try sometimes.

in a clas where i usually dont have more than 3 or 4 girls and a class full of behavior problem boys, it is always a challenge. it reminds me why i dont want to stay in the classroom, why i lose my optimism every day i come in and deal with this bs. i am proud, however, that i have yet to literally cuss out my class. it has been a battle of willpower and callin on Jesus.

why am i here????

oh yea, i almost forgot. i have 16 days of school yet, many of which will not be real instructional days.

holler.

(ok i'm done venting now. just needed to get that off my chest...oh yea, and btw, the demon child in my class kicked my partner teacher in the shin and stepped on her foot today. classic)

I'm in love with a....

Stripper!!! That's how the song goes right? in society, stripping and pole dancing has been previously viewed as a taboo subject, something that only women with low morals do. its seen as degrading to women and no respectable woman should ever engage in it. well...i'm here to set the record straight.

i have a confession. i take pole classes. i have for a little over a year now. yes, i can climb up a pole and slide down in a variety of ways. i can spin, flip upside down, do a 'helicopter' (use your imagination) and a variety of other things. and you know what? I LOVE IT!!! if you are a woman, no matter how conservative, i suggest you give it a try. as a lover of dance in general, i immediately found myself loving it when i took my first class at S factor in early 2008. i was skeptical of spending several hundred dollars for a pole dancing class but i started and immediately i was hooked. it became an expensive habit. i set aside money every session to make sure i could move on to the next level where the tricks got harder, the movement became more natural, and i gained a new level of confidence. i am now at level 6 (the highest level) and at this point, its learning how to be more gravity-defying, dangerous and smooth in what i learn. and its worth every penny.

but what makes this class so amazing? so every week, i go to class for 2 hours in the evening. the first hour is made up of a slow warm up, allowing you to relax and let your mind stop running from your crazy week. the lights are dim and red, the room is still and calm, and the teacher is slowly and seductively leading you thru a warm up and stretch. women of all ages and sizes are in the class, warming up in a variety of pilates, yoga and stretching techniques that build your muscle and body enough to do the activities. then you begin to move on your own. whether it is doing simple pole tricks, dancing on or near the wall, on the floor or in the middle of the room, you are a part of your own private dance. its amazing. then you learn new pole tricks or work on the ones you already know. and finally, it's time to dance. you choose your music, sometimes based on a theme set by the studio. and then you dance. any type of heels, clothing and props you want, you use. if you want to use a big chair, you do it. if you wanna spend the whole time spinning on the pole, it's your world. if you never want to leave the wall and the floor, then get it girl. it is the ultimate girl power move.

why would any respectable woman do this? for me, i wanted to try something new and gain a bit of confidence in this type of movement. for others, they want to entertain their husband or significant other. some do it for fitness reasons. whatever your reason, i doubt many people who try it dislike it. it is awesome. even though i will be leaving mid-august, i debate enrolling in one more session because i have a bit of time left. i also debate buying a pole to take with me to law school so i can practice when i get bored. but the point is, i have loved every minute of it. why don't you try it? I have attached the link for where i take classes. give it a try. u may find a new level of liberation as you slide down a pole and get cheered and encouraged by your girls.

go ahead and try it. dont be scared. no one has to know but u! ;)

http://www.sfactor.com/

Pura Vida Part I

I took these quotes from my facebook as a start to this series of traveling blogs. Costa Rica was such an amazing experience for me and i learned a lot about life and myself. it was not the first time out of the country...but only the 2nd time that counted (the first was Mexico when I was 6 and the 2nd was Paris when I was in 10th grade). but Costa Rica is where everything changed in my life. here are a few quotes that sum up some of the best times i had there. hope they make sense.

(Disclaimer: even though most people who read this wont think its funny, there are about 5 people in the world who think its hilarious and will cry from laughing so hard every time they read it. thats enough for me. throwback to fall 05, ISA in Costa Rica)

Quotes from Costa Rica:
Unofficial way of life: Tranquila Matadora...translation: chill killa ( first introduced by a cute Tica guy who my girl Honeybee quickly snatched up. he was probably high at the time)
Honeybee: (as we chill at a reggae club where we are constantly harrassed by drunk ass costa ricans) "Me gusta you....oooh, no me gusta him"
"hey novio" to Shaun...poor thing, LOL (in response to Shaun, our ever so respectful late 20's homeboy who was in the program with us. always the gentleman, he never took advantage of Honey despite all of her flirting. always funny to watch him get molested)
"Im gonna f*****cate with Colon!!!! Im just playin....(hahaha) no im not" (actually...she wasn't playing. it went dooooooown in Costa Rica...not me tho!)
"No yo tiengue"
PERDON!!!
Heavenlymaize, yo a** is ignorant.
Get the f*** outta here! (i picked up this phrase for months afterwards. this was said whenever somebody said something unbelievable by Honeybee)
Buenos Dais shawty! (i love the mix of spanish, spanglish, and ghetto english...always classic)
"Your acting like a b*tch a** baby" (in response to her cute Costa Rican's homeboy. he tried to have a lil fling with our other girl and he acted like...well, read the quote)
"Diez y Cinco" (another example of what happens when people don't focus on spanish in a spanish-speaking country. lol)
"Porque?" (to everything she doesn't understand)
"Chaaaayze" (Really it says cheese but she said it like that when she was imitating a video hoe)
"she hit me in the neck with an umbrella and it left a scratch on my neck. then when asked her why she did it, she said she wanted to know if it could be used a a weapon" (ok so here was the deal. we had a very...uh...unique friend named Sarafina [named changed to protect the guilty]. she liked Honeybee's dude and continuously flirted with him, but to no avail. Honey was all that he was focused on. so eventually, Sarafina got upset. and so, she decides to use her umbrella as a device to plot her revenge)

My mama tica (host mom): keep in mind that she speaks spanish. so everything is said with an accent in limited english.
yea baby, yea
Es muy weird

FiFi: sorry (with a spanish accent)

Sarafina:
Taxistas Tramposas!!! (actually, the cab drivers were the biggest jerks ever. they were constantly tryna rip us off and eventually we refused to pay one of them because he tried to take the 15 minute ride to a bar that was 5 minutes away. bastard)
Cual es su problema? (after being stopped at the border. soooo here is the story. she tells us that she was stopped for some bogus reason. what really happened was she almost got caught smuggling weed across the border from Nicaragua to Costa Rica. the dogs sniffed it on the bus and she got held up.)
she put a spell on me (she stays with some chick while visiting Cuba. the lady puts a spell on her in the middle of the night and for the next few days, she can't use the bathroom. she also gets jacked for all of her stuff by some hot Cubano after trusting him enough to have him in her spot. and she was surprised she got robbed...sigh. sexiness doesn't mean they won't rob u. duh. )

Me:
girl i know why ur sick. u better be careful of those STDs. U might get Sexually Transmitted Dengue. (so this was after some nasty Jersey girl gets sick, which means Dengue and some other girl gets Mono. yuckity yuck yuck)
My family came on a ship too, but it sure as hell wasnt no Mayflower....why ya'll laughin, im serious. (i'm sorry, coming on the Mayflower is way different than the damn Amistad. feel me?)
We're definitely gonna die (as i watch the chaos of cars as we try to cross the street. if u think LA driving is bad, go to a foreign country. ur opinion will be forever changed)

hopefully it makes sense. if not, i'm entertained for simply remembering these things. man, almost 4 years ago and it almost feels like yesterday.

PURA VIDA

My travels...

Inspired by my new favorite blogger, I am going to start posting about my trips abroad. i always wished i was a journal writer when i traveled. well now i can do that and i've always wanted to get this stuff out before i forget. it will take a while but i can't wait. ahhhh, i love traveling. stay tuned...

My dream world

I am somewhat of a dreamer. i'm also a big nerd (and i'm not ashamed to admit it). in my dream world, this is what would happen over the next 10 years.

i would attend Michigan (actually happening, not a dream, praise JESUS) and get all A's after my first year. i will then get a job working with the ACLU or some other dope non-profit in Philly (ahhh, how I love that city) for the first half of the summer, then work at a big firm in NYC for the other half. i will also become a writer for the Law Review journal at Michigan for my second and 3rd year. i will work in an amazing clinic, dealing with civil and educational rights for children and my people who will def need help in Detroit, as well as taking amazing classes that challenge me and convince me i'm a civil rights genius. my second summer will be working abroad (where, I dunno) working on women and girl's issues and their rights. my 3rd year i'll do more amazing clinical work and take dope classes and know that i'm a genius. then i'll graduate, work at a judicial clerkship for a year or two on the east coast in a really cool district. i will get a job for a year or two at the department of education in D.C. and finally, i will come back to LA to work for the ACLU as a lead attorney. eventually, i'll open up my own civil rights firm and make good money defending people from the evils of this world. man, i'll be a law goddess.



...and somewhere in this plan, i'll get married and eventually have kids. lol.

A light...

As i sat in bible study last night, we discussed mercy and grace, which of course led to a deeper convo about how we treat others. it also tied in to the topic last week about forgiving our enemies. and it made me begin to think..do we bestow the same grace and mercy on those who do wrong around us? do we forgive our enemies? but even worse, do we forgive our friends and loved ones? what does forgiveness, grace and mercy mean in our lives? i have thought a lot about people who have truly hurt me and i realized that my forgiveness of them was very surface. i realized that there were a few key people that i still harbor ill feelings towards (if you know me, u can probably guess at least 1 or 2 of these people). it made me realize that i still have a lot of work in that department. but that was last week...

so this week, we talked about being a light to others. if someone meets you or knows you, do they know you are a Christian without you telling them or announcing it? do your actions support your beliefs, or do you live two separate lives...Sunday at church vs. Monday thru Saturday night. it made me think about the way i have lived my own life. i feel that when people think of me, they see a good person. someone who is passionate, energetic, intelligent, and overall a caring and compassionate person. but this is what troubled me...when people see me, do they see God? that concerns me because as i look over my life, i feel that people that i've known for an extended period of time may not see that, based on my actions. that is something i am trying to work on because it is no good to have these beliefs but i can't put them into action. if you don't see Christ when you see me, then where is all of my faith going? i can look back over my life and recall very specific people who i see as Spirit-filled people. they were by no means perfect and they made mistakes. but thru it all, God still was obviously in their lives and they tried their best to exemplify that as much as possible.

what will people think of me? will they say that i am Spirit-filled? am i a light?

are you?

Quarterlife Crisis

today i began reading an article called the quarterlife crisis. what is funny is that i could already predict what it was going to discuss because i am gradually entering that time period. at 24, i see the end moving in on me. by the end, i mean the end of school, fun and freedom. that means that these last 3 years of law school are the last bits of education i will ever receive (damnit)! as a certified schoolgirl, nerd, bookworm, etc., the idea that the next 3 years are my last time in school, it is a little scary. and even with law school, it wont be like undergrad. i can't spend random summers or semesters abroad- all of my work experience must be focused; otherwise, i may not be able to get the type of job i want. this is as good as school is gonna get from here. and after that...marriage? kids? mortgage? is anyone else scared about that? maybe its just me, but the closer i get to getting married, the scarier it is. i am all for the happy ending but not if that is tomorrow. a happy ending means the end of freedom and choice and independence. what do you think?

check out the article if you want:

http://www.eyeweekly.com/features/article/55882

I am not a blogger...

It's true. I am not a blogger. And yet, here i am writing a blog about myself. I have said for the past two years that I wish I blogged more often because i've had so many memorable experiences that I feel need to be recorded. So even if no one ever reads this, maybe I can look back in 5 years and reflect on all that I have experienced. Since graduating from high school in 2003 i have:

• attended a prestigious university known for its amazing research and received a B.A. in '07
• been the president of a sorority while in school
  
• become the big sister of two adopted kids (who surprising look like me)
• committed to teach 8th grade for two years in an impoverished, urban community in a large metropolitan city known for its intense gang violence (thru Teach for America)
• taken the LSAT, applied to schools, stressed myself out, and finally been admitted to many amazing schools, including 2 top 10 law schools
• committed to attending one of those top 10 law schools where i will spend the next 3 years moving from sun to extreme cold weather and snow
• endured a loving and tumultuous relationship with my boyfriend, one that i know will be affected by attending law school
• fought to maintain my relationship with God
  

Back to the immediate situation...

So yesterday, i just received my 2nd degree, a M.A. in Elementary Education from blah blah blah University. I got this degree by teaching for the past two years and this was my academic culmination of that experience. While I have 6 weeks left of teaching, i do feel like my time is drawing near...and i'm excited! i attended an alumni dinner with my TFA colleagues last week and i realized that my experience was almost over and i would soon be an alumni and it made me reflect on my experience. i never regreted teaching for two years but it has literally shaped me into an entirely different person. i am no longer the person who keeps my mouth shut on issues i believe in. i have seen that i can be a true role model and manage a class of 37 8th graders (although not always seamlessly). i have raised test scores, invested students who were on the path to the gang life to focus on school, and practically pulled my hair out. i have done countless assignments that don't help me learn how to manage a kid that tells me to fuck off because i refuse to do what he asks. or that don't tell me how to get parents to take responsibility for their God-awful child. i have experienced the most difficult 2 years of my life (although strangely enough, i have experienced other periods of intense stress and insanity) and i am thankful i've made it thru. God has been looking out for me the past 2 years because they have been so difficult and receiving my Masters yesterday was not only significant because i have a new degree, but because it signifies 2 years of struggle, stress, heartache, hopelessness, optimisim, cynicism and a million other emotions. i have again broken down barriers and managed to accomplish something else amazing.

this is a lot to read on a first time encounter, but it's important to get these feelings out. the happiness i felt yesterday will soon fade and i dont want to forget. don't be overwhelmed, u will get caught up gradually. u may not know me well, but in time u will. just stay tuned.