girls grow up thinking and believing that this is real. "the one". that mythical mate who we will run across and no matter what happens, we will manage to work it out and be together happily ever after. why? because it's destiny, fate, the stars aligning. this is the man you are supposed to be with so you must do everything in your power to keep him because if you let him go, then you have lost your 1 true love...
i believed that...i think many girls grow up believing that this is true. but as you get older, you realize it's not always so simple and precise. "the one" may or may not be destined. the one who you think may be "the one" may not be at all. so how do you know who you are supposed to be with? do you decide based on feelings? compatibility? things working out? how often or little you fight and argue? whether he meets your standards you have set? i have not a clue. that is something i am trying to figure out myself. i thought i knew how to figure out if someone was "the one". compatibility, whether i could see us together in the long term, could he be the father of my children, does he make me laugh, etc. but i've started to wonder if that's enough. how do you know that someone is "the one"...shoot, is there even such thing as "the one". is it the person you choose to make things work with? do they make you the most happy? what if you think you found that person and you eventually start to question that because things just never seem quite right.
speaking of never getting quite right, are our expectations too high to begin with. people always say relationships, especially marriages, take work. and that everyone goes thru those ups and downs. how can you distinguish between a reasonable amount of work and ups and downs, as opposed to a relationship that is not worth the fight? and your gut isn't always accurate. praying doesn't always bring a clear answer. so then what?
obviously i am doing a lot of contemplating about life and relationships. this is not just about me. its a combination of my thoughts, conversations with others and a plethora of articles and documents i've read about relationships.
what do you think?
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I don't subscribe to "the one" theory. I believe that there are multiple "ones." I can't imagine going through life looking for one person of the millions of people on this planet. What if I'm here, and "the one" is someone in Australia and we never meet, and I end up being with someone else who I mistakenly think is the one? Seems crazy to me. I think that there are people and types that we are more or less compatible with, and given experience, station, traits, etc we can make it work with someone we see as a good match. Because we're human, I don't think a 10/10 match exists. As you stated, every relationship will have its tribulations. Questioning any relationship at some point is natural, and I believe is necessary.
ReplyDeleteConcerning ups and downs, I think that as much as relationships are about love and shared experiences, they're also about sacrifice. In the event that the sacrifice that you are making (whether its yourself, time, family, ambition, future plans, friends, etc) grossly outweighs what is being sacrificed for, then Houston, we have a problem.
What documents have you read about relationships? I'm intrigued.