Part I: the first kiss

i remember it like it was a dream. it was almost 5 years ago, but i still remember everything. the butterflies in my stomach. the feeling of anxiety and anticipation at events to come. we have only been formally introduced once, although u say u always knew who i was. sure u did. we had only hung out once or twice, and that was always in a big group.

but this time was different. i could feel it. we had been talking on the phone or online for a few weeks by this point and i knew that something had changed. it went from casual conversations to undertones of flirting and admiration for the other person. there was nothing forced about these conversations either. we were both at a place of new beginnings and new experiences, just recently entering into the spot light... and both of us were somewhat resistant to give in to it completely. we had a common bond and a common experience, and yet, there was something deeper. the way it feels when someone can see right through u, down in ur soul. that relief at being able to talk about anything and only get positivity back. we were connected.

but this night was different. it was different because it was the first time we hung out alone. i didn't remember feeling this nervous since high school. i remember, i wasn't even at home. i was at a friends house, and yet it felt as comfortable as ever. i never knew that u were just as anxious and nervous as i was. we were like 5 year olds, waiting for the first day of kindergarten. and then, you arrived.

it was such an innocent night, which makes it all the more memorable. we were both hesitant to seem too excited to finally hang out alone. had to keep it cool. and i didn't know, but u also didn't want to rush things. both of us liked to move slow into a relationship, and really get to know each other first. i still remember, we watched the last samurai. at some point, we figured it was ok to sit closer together on the couch. and then...it happened. the first kiss.

there have been so many great moments since then. but this is a memory that will always stick in my head. the raw feelings and emotions from getting to know someone new, never really knowing just how far it could take u.

after that first kiss, that was it. there was no turning back. we were in it for the long haul.