Part II: The first date

2 words. spongebob squarepants. yea, i said it. that was our first date. and might i add, one of the best dates ever. another moment etched in my mind. lets go back... let's say, 04/05. i wish i knew the exact date, but that's not important. i believe it was april or may but i'm not sure. all i know is it rained that night. when i say rained, i mean RAINED! and there was one umbrella...if that. hell, there might not have been an umbrella. point is, it rained and we got soaked

we went to some theater in pomona... or somewhere in that vicinity. i remember you telling me it was the location of a bunch of vatos and we had to be careful. figures. and we decided we wanted to go to the movies. so we saw spongebob.

that was what made us different. for most people's first dates, they want to go to eat some great food at a nice restaurant. or do something really exciting and probably expensive. but us... we were a little weird. we thought it would be a great idea to see a movie. a kid movie at that. and i was as excited as i would have been if we went to any fancy restaurant in la. so off we were, to this movie.

we were probably the oldest people in an empty theater. and i'll never forget what happened. you lifted the armrests up, put your head on my lap and we talked and laughed. and then....

you fell asleep! seriously. i remember laughing my butt off during the movie, which surprised me because i'd never bought into the whole older kids/young adults liking spongebob thing. i didn't do the spongebob pj pants or backpacks like many of my peers did. but that movie was lowkey hilarious. and u were asleep. i dont think i ever watched someone fall asleep during a movie so many times and that made it even more entertaining. afterwards, i teased you about it. for months actually. i thought it was so funny because you really wanted to see the movie and u actually fell asleep. i wasn't mad tho. it was so fun, laughing all night and teasing you bout this silly movie that you convinced me to watch. and how disappointed you were that you actually missed it.

i didn't know it but this was the beginning of our weird way of entertainment. seldom would we have fun doing the normal dating stuff. most of our fun would take place in the area know as the suites, and later the 'village', your living community for most of your college years. 3400 would come to be a place i called my second home.

but yea, that was our first date. and no, it wasn't dinner at a fancy restaurant. but the laughs i had that night were so much more valuable than anything else we could have ever done. i wouldn't mind getting rained on with you again. i hate rain. but i love laughing with you.

more coming soon...

*this is not to say there have not been 'conventional' dates at nice restaurants and fun, exciting excursions. and also doesn't mean i don't like them. instead, this was a date on our terms, something that we could enjoy as much as any other nice, formal date. i'm a girl and i love to get glamorous and look fly. i also love silly fun that doesn't require stilettos and makeup, but flip flops, a hoodie and lots of laughs and fattening food, like movie nachos and candy. :)

Part I: the first kiss

i remember it like it was a dream. it was almost 5 years ago, but i still remember everything. the butterflies in my stomach. the feeling of anxiety and anticipation at events to come. we have only been formally introduced once, although u say u always knew who i was. sure u did. we had only hung out once or twice, and that was always in a big group.

but this time was different. i could feel it. we had been talking on the phone or online for a few weeks by this point and i knew that something had changed. it went from casual conversations to undertones of flirting and admiration for the other person. there was nothing forced about these conversations either. we were both at a place of new beginnings and new experiences, just recently entering into the spot light... and both of us were somewhat resistant to give in to it completely. we had a common bond and a common experience, and yet, there was something deeper. the way it feels when someone can see right through u, down in ur soul. that relief at being able to talk about anything and only get positivity back. we were connected.

but this night was different. it was different because it was the first time we hung out alone. i didn't remember feeling this nervous since high school. i remember, i wasn't even at home. i was at a friends house, and yet it felt as comfortable as ever. i never knew that u were just as anxious and nervous as i was. we were like 5 year olds, waiting for the first day of kindergarten. and then, you arrived.

it was such an innocent night, which makes it all the more memorable. we were both hesitant to seem too excited to finally hang out alone. had to keep it cool. and i didn't know, but u also didn't want to rush things. both of us liked to move slow into a relationship, and really get to know each other first. i still remember, we watched the last samurai. at some point, we figured it was ok to sit closer together on the couch. and then...it happened. the first kiss.

there have been so many great moments since then. but this is a memory that will always stick in my head. the raw feelings and emotions from getting to know someone new, never really knowing just how far it could take u.

after that first kiss, that was it. there was no turning back. we were in it for the long haul.

hello law school!

hey. sorry, long time no post. i have been trying to get adjusted to moving, preparing for law school, and leaving behind my family, friends and loved ones while i embark on 3 years of school, stress, and professionalism. i have been prepping for this forever and it is finally here. i have been in small college town, usa for almost a week now and it still doesn't seem real. in 5 days, i've had to prepare for 18 boxes to arrive, buy a whole new bedroom set with a mattress, figure out where the hell i am, order a desk, and try to figure out when my car will be here. it has not set in yet that i will be at this school in a small town for the next 3 years. i mean, what was i thinking? moving somewhere that is overcast for 6 to 7 months out of the year. i am a sunshine girl all the way and it is a huge adjustment. i have also left my man and my friends at home. i am worried about being forgotten. i am also worrying about doing well in law school. although i am unsure how possible it will be, i will try to keep up with you on here. right now, i'm at pre-orientation, chillin and enjoying the still warm (somewhat) weather. i am also getting a chance to meet my classmates that i will be with for the next 3 years. wish me luck. and follow me please.

what is your legacy?

(written on July 29th)

i am spending the week at my alma mater participating in a law camp for high schools students. it is absolutely amazing. it makes me appreciate students so much more to see how sweet it can be to teach when kids are more able and open to accept your lessons and guidance. anyway, we had them participate in a privilege walk and afterwards took the time to discuss how we all felt and provide them an opportunity to discuss any issues they have had and how they felt about the activity and how it related to the law. i ended feeling like my small group had a great discussion. as i got up to pack, one of the most conservative kids comes up to me who was in my group and stops me. he tells me that he really appreciated my ability to see all points of view and provide such a positive facilitation of highly controversial topics. now, if you don't know yet, i am a pretty big lefty on a lot of issues. he tells me he's so impressed with how well i was able to navigate difficult topics and allow everyone to feel important. and we chatted for a few minutes and then i got to thinking. this is how this kid will remember me. as the RA who respected his different opinion and helped others open their eyes.

then i thought, how will i be remembered by people? by my family, friends, ex's, enemies, students, etc.

shoot, how will you be remembered.

Follow Me!!!

so i am officially leaving the state to go to cold country in 23 days. and i started a blog so i can document my life over the next 3 years as i toil away in school. there is only one problem....NO ONE IS FOLLOWING ME!!!! so, please add yourself as a follower. i love all of you who read but if you don't follow, i feel like a loser. its like having a party and no one shows up but everyone calls to apologize. you are still sitting alone at the party. so add yourself, por favor.

gracias. :)

The death of Ms. C...

so i finally decided to write about the dead. no, its not a celebrity host, the greatest entertainer of all time (rip), a cheating athlete...it's my alter ego- Ms. C. for the past 2 years, i stopped being heavenlymaize and i became Ms. C...at least to my students. i still remember the student who first called me that instead of my actual last name. his name is Los and he was one of the students i will never forget. i will never forget the days he came high as hell to class and actually tried to look offended when i asked about it. or the time he punched a wall because he was so upset and i told him that just because he had a hard life doesn't give him an excuse to be a slacker. or when he got one of my other students to hold his drugs and got made when it got taken away. or how he said n**** and i ripped him a new one to the point where he wrote me an apology letter. or when he hugged me and thanked me for never giving up on him when he graduated. seeing him graduate was a highlight of my life, one of my proudest moments. i felt like a parent when i watched him walk across the stage to accept his middle school diploma.

he wasn't the only kid i stressed out over these past two years. but he stuck out because he was an example of those kids who are on the fence, the ones who no one expects to make it. a minority kid with no daddy and serious anger problems. one who idolizes the gang life and loves getting faded. and yet when i saw him 5 months later, he was rocking skinny jeans and playing baseball. who would have thought.

the past two years have completely altered the way i view life. i was a college student, still carrying some naivete with me when i graduated from Big State School in 07. i thought i could change the world and that when i began teaching, i would really connect. i would make significant gains and eventually be able to reach all of my kids. eery single one of them. i would have never guessed that my 2nd year, i would have a class where over half of the kids i had in the beginning were kicked out or checked out by the end. only 4 students graduated from that class. or that there would actually be some kids that i don't like (his name is Demon Child and i think he is a spawn of the devil). or that when i finally finished teaching, i would actually miss my kids. and wonder if maybe i should have given it a 3rd year (this lasts all of 30 secs).

i entered the profession a 22 year old adult...or so i thought. i left the profession a grown a** woman. there is a difference between being a legal adult and grown. prior to teaching, i was somewhere in between. i've always been very mature, esp when it comes to handling my business. i pay my bills, take care of myself, and keep everything together. but when i became a teacher, i learned how much i didn't know. i learned how to really be a role model. how to keep the curse words to myself, no matter how angry i was, because i had to teach my kids that you could express anger in a mature and respectful manner. i learned how to truly believe in people who don't believe in themselves. (there is nothing more tragic than a child who at 13 already believes there is no hope for success and that they are a failure). i learned how to be responsible for other's physical well-being. making sure my boys didn't join a gang and my girls didn't get jumped on the way home from school...or at school, for that manner. after teaching for 2 years, there are few things that i cannot handle (except 1L year in law school...but that's another blog). i must admit that i actually love my kids. i will always think of them and thank God for the gift of even being allowed to teach these amazing people for two years. on the last day of school, i told my first group that they were the most amazing kids that i could have ever taught. and that they were the reason why people become teachers. i actually had a good time teaching them all year because they were brilliant, well behaved, and hilarious. i love those kids from room #329 and i'll miss them dearly. the only reason i still have my myspace page is to keep in touch with them. and although i'm going off to another state, another school and another career, i will never forget them. they challenged me. they made me grow. they changed my life.

and now Ms. C is dead. she is no longer in exsistence...except to about 120 kids around downtown and east la. but to the rest of the world, i am simply heavenlymaize. although i wonder if i will ever let Ms. C die completely. i dunno what to think. sigh....

this is why i teach for...

"Ms. C" is gone...(prelude)

i know at some point i must write about the end of Ms. C. if you don't know who Ms. C is, then i will take time in my next post to introduce you to her. she's a trip. she's a former teacher (is that even possible) and a dedicated one to her kids that she has taught over the past 2 years.

but i'll get to her another day. me sleepy